create the work you love.

as you know, i've been struggling lately. lots of different factors in my life are adding up and making things very difficult for me. and although i know that i am making good choices, choices that are best for myself and for my family, it is really hard. one factor that i have mentioned is my health. a couple months ago, i sought help from a naturopath because i was feeling ridiculously exhausted all the time. she's the one who recommended the 3-6 month detox diet. i did that for 6 weeks and felt miserable, definitely worse than when i started.

so i called and spoke to a different naturopath, for a second opinion. she said that because i was feeling worse than when i started, and because of other, quite personal reasons, i should stop the detox and come in and see her. yesterday i had an appointment with her. she did bloodwork, asked me a lot of questions, and talked with me for two and a half hours. she says that i am suffering from adrenal fatigue. it is a condition that is not uncommon for women, especially mothers. basically it means that my adrenal glands are not working properly anymore, due to long term stress. the result is that i am extremely exhausted all the time, yet have difficulty sleeping. i never feel rested. i am also often depressed and irritable. she is also afraid i may have some heavy metal/ chemical poisoning due to my work and she is investigating different methods for testing that (and i am investigating better ventilating techniques and safer alternatives to some of the chemicals i use). anyway, there's not a whole lot to be done for adrenal fatigue, aside from reducing stress, resting more, eating healthy (really cutting down on sugar and caffeine, good thing i quit coffee!) and exercising, and taking some key herbs and supplements. but it was a big wake up call for me that i need to be taking better care of myself.

while i was waiting for my appointment i was browsing through some books for sale at the wellness center. this one caught my eye:

i know i always talk about how lucky i am to make a living doing what i love and how very very grateful i am for my silver sparrow designs. but lately, due to the factors i am talking about, i've been feeling much more negative than positive. i haven't been focusing on my love and passion for what i do. i've been focused on the other, bummer things that are going on in my life. and often when i go out to the shop, i am just sort of tinkering, undirected, unable to really start and finish a project. i think that's why i have been so excited about rivets, it has given me something new to study and navigate and decipher, and sparked a new flame for me in my shop. so when i saw this book, i thought that it would be good for me to read, to remind myself that i really am doing it, i am making a living doing what i love, and what a fantastic thing that really is.

and right away, as soon as i started reading it, i realized how much i needed that message. the whole "spiritual dimension of entrepeneuring" thing is serious. (i do realize i am rambling here. thanks for listening.) do you believe in the secret? i absolutely do; it's how i started my business in the first place. and this new book reminds me that i haven't been focusing on the results i want. i've been bogged down with my problems. for example, i've been all bummed out because it seems that nobody loves my new riveted pieces as much as i do, because they're not selling on etsy. there are many possible reasons for why they are not selling~ they are a bit more expensive because they take longer to make (soldering is much quicker than riveting.), they are sort of a new style that may not appeal to my current customer base, etc. but i think the reason they are not selling is because when i made them i was afraid that they would not sell. i was nervous about taking a jump away from my usual designs and i think i sort of convinced myself that nobody would like them.

so, tomorrow when i go out to the shop to work on some new pieces, i need to be feeling good about what i am doing, positively connecting with the pieces i am making, thinking to myself about the kind of person who will purchase the piece when i finish it, filling the piece with love and intention for its future owner... the things i used to do but seem to have forgotten a bit lately. and the other thing i need to remember, that the book also reminded me of, is that my work, my passion, my jewelry really does fulfill a need; it is a service. perhaps you don't agree with that, but it has taken me some time to come to that conclusion. i really, truly strive to create work that has meaning for people. i want my pieces to have significance to their owner, to bring lightness, clarity, strength, whatever the individual person needs the piece to provide for her. i want my work to bring flight to your soul. and i have received so many beautiful, wonderful, love-filled convos and e-mails from my customers, telling me about the significance that their particular piece has for them and it makes me so happy! that is one of the major things that i love about what i do, my joy and my passion brings joy to someone else. it's a really beautiful thing. like rumi says, "let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

i am not exactly sure what the bottom line of all of that is, but i feel much better having written it. please feel free to share your experience with any of what i am talking about in the comments. i love hearing from you. and, not to get all mushy, but thanks for being there.