Thursday, December 1, 2016

it matters.

i'm in the shop, soldering some rings together for a new necklace design.  i have a show next saturday and i'd like to have six of these ready by then.  and it's the holidays; i'm busy.  i have a stack of orders to fill in addition to preparing for my show so i am slipping out to the shop or sneaking upstairs to the studio every moment i get.  dorothy went down for an unexpected nap?  i can run out and finish that wedding band real fast.  june's occupied with writing her new book, THE GOLDEN GLORY?  i can go upstairs and buff those charms.  hazel's in her room drawing her endless beautiful rambling doodles too?  well, i'm gonna wrap those earwires real quick.  but it's a good kind of busy, the kind i have newly come to love and appreciate.

there was a time when i felt that the only "meaningful" pieces i created were the big, bold, weighty, statement pieces, with several layers of meticulously cut sheet, big glorious stones, and all kinds of deep metaphysical meaning.  in my mind, that was the work i was meant to be doing, that was what mattered; the other, smaller, more reproducible pieces were boring and the making of them somehow meant that i was not a real artist.  and that mis-aligned thinking is part of what caused my beloved silver sparrow designs to falter a bit, and nearly crash altogether.

during my self-appointed-pregnancy-and-first-year-of-theo's-life hiatus, i realized something.  this work, all of this work, silver sparrow designs?  it matters.  it matters more to me than i ever realized.  it matters in a way that only taking a break from it could have shown me.  because during that break i missed it more than i ever could have believed.  i poured so much of myself into this endeavor.  when it first hatched, i was a new mom, staying at home with two young daughters, and silver sparrow designs allowed me to redesign myself, to identify with myself as more than just a "stay at home mom".  it enabled me to continue to be the brave and adventurous artistic spirit that i am.  it let me continue to be a financial contributor to our household. it gave me permission to continue to create, to have the only type of expressive outlet that has ever properly vented me.  silver sparrow designs made it possible for this supremely introverted small town colorado girl to create meaningful jewelry for and connect with thousands of beautiful women all around the world.

and i am so glad that i missed it so much.  i am delighted that i realized that the tiniest little $8 bead addition to the charm necklace and the small copper dog tag that i can recreate again and again are just as meaningful, just as important, just as much "art", as the $600 necklace that will take me a week to fabricate and i will only make once.  because every one of those pieces is an expression from my soul, from the depths of what makes me me, and every one of those pieces is valuable to someone.

and so i have come to a whole new place with my beloved silver sparrow designs.  it has, once again, saved me.  i get up each day and i dedicate as much of myself as i can to my other child, my "business" (i hate to call it that), in the midst of taking care all of the other parts of my wonderful life that need caring for.  and i know that, just like those other components, the more i put into it the more it will grow.

i'm getting sappy now but i just want to say, to those of you who are still here, after checking back so often and seeing the same old post, or one quick half-assed update, all 6 of you, i am so so appreciative of you!  and thank you so much for being a an extremely important and cherished part of my silver sparrow designs.  and i look forward to seeing more of you ❤️

the other day i had to lock my bedroom door so i could take some photos of my jewelry without any interruptions. (i put a table next to our french doors because the lighting is perfect for this.)  when i looked up from the ring i was photographing, there was junebug, standing outside the glass with this sign.  she is so amazing.


Bailey said...

I love watching your "business" grow. It truly inspires me.

kristi smith said...

thanks, bailey! i'm so glad it does. ❤️

traci said...

What a great entry, Kris. I think knowing how much your work means to you is what allows other people to cherish it's beauty. I'm so proud of you and everything you've accomplished. Love you!

kristi smith said...

thank you so much, traci ❤️ you've been such a great support to me.