as you know, i've been struggling lately. lots of different factors in my life are adding up and making things very difficult for me. and although i know that i am making good choices, choices that are best for myself and for my family, it is really hard. one factor that i have mentioned is my health. a couple months ago, i sought help from a naturopath because i was feeling ridiculously exhausted all the time. she's the one who recommended the 3-6 month detox diet. i did that for 6 weeks and felt miserable, definitely worse than when i started.
so i called and spoke to a different naturopath, for a second opinion. she said that because i was feeling worse than when i started, and because of other, quite personal reasons, i should stop the detox and come in and see her. yesterday i had an appointment with her. she did bloodwork, asked me a lot of questions, and talked with me for two and a half hours. she says that i am suffering from adrenal fatigue. it is a condition that is not uncommon for women, especially mothers. basically it means that my adrenal glands are not working properly anymore, due to long term stress. the result is that i am extremely exhausted all the time, yet have difficulty sleeping. i never feel rested. i am also often depressed and irritable. she is also afraid i may have some heavy metal/ chemical poisoning due to my work and she is investigating different methods for testing that (and i am investigating better ventilating techniques and safer alternatives to some of the chemicals i use). anyway, there's not a whole lot to be done for adrenal fatigue, aside from reducing stress, resting more, eating healthy (really cutting down on sugar and caffeine, good thing i quit coffee!) and exercising, and taking some key herbs and supplements. but it was a big wake up call for me that i need to be taking better care of myself.
while i was waiting for my appointment i was browsing through some books for sale at the wellness center. this one caught my eye:
i know i always talk about how lucky i am to make a living doing what i love and how very very grateful i am for my silver sparrow designs. but lately, due to the factors i am talking about, i've been feeling much more negative than positive. i haven't been focusing on my love and passion for what i do. i've been focused on the other, bummer things that are going on in my life. and often when i go out to the shop, i am just sort of tinkering, undirected, unable to really start and finish a project. i think that's why i have been so excited about rivets, it has given me something new to study and navigate and decipher, and sparked a new flame for me in my shop. so when i saw this book, i thought that it would be good for me to read, to remind myself that i really am doing it, i am making a living doing what i love, and what a fantastic thing that really is.
and right away, as soon as i started reading it, i realized how much i needed that message. the whole "spiritual dimension of entrepeneuring" thing is serious. (i do realize i am rambling here. thanks for listening.) do you believe in the secret? i absolutely do; it's how i started my business in the first place. and this new book reminds me that i haven't been focusing on the results i want. i've been bogged down with my problems. for example, i've been all bummed out because it seems that nobody loves my new riveted pieces as much as i do, because they're not selling on etsy. there are many possible reasons for why they are not selling~ they are a bit more expensive because they take longer to make (soldering is much quicker than riveting.), they are sort of a new style that may not appeal to my current customer base, etc. but i think the reason they are not selling is because when i made them i was afraid that they would not sell. i was nervous about taking a jump away from my usual designs and i think i sort of convinced myself that nobody would like them.
so, tomorrow when i go out to the shop to work on some new pieces, i need to be feeling good about what i am doing, positively connecting with the pieces i am making, thinking to myself about the kind of person who will purchase the piece when i finish it, filling the piece with love and intention for its future owner... the things i used to do but seem to have forgotten a bit lately. and the other thing i need to remember, that the book also reminded me of, is that my work, my passion, my jewelry really does fulfill a need; it is a service. perhaps you don't agree with that, but it has taken me some time to come to that conclusion. i really, truly strive to create work that has meaning for people. i want my pieces to have significance to their owner, to bring lightness, clarity, strength, whatever the individual person needs the piece to provide for her. i want my work to bring flight to your soul. and i have received so many beautiful, wonderful, love-filled convos and e-mails from my customers, telling me about the significance that their particular piece has for them and it makes me so happy! that is one of the major things that i love about what i do, my joy and my passion brings joy to someone else. it's a really beautiful thing. like rumi says, "let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
i am not exactly sure what the bottom line of all of that is, but i feel much better having written it. please feel free to share your experience with any of what i am talking about in the comments. i love hearing from you. and, not to get all mushy, but thanks for being there.