Thursday, April 7, 2011

be free

so just as you were about to decide to stop coming here to my beloved blog because i am such a debbie downer and you were just feeling depressed whenever you stopped by, i have words of hope! i am finally feeling a bit better. yesterday, i "took the day off" from "work". i allowed myself to finish a very therapeutic piece that i have been working on and then i went over to durango for a hike. (i also got some additional color added to my tattoo. i will show it to you once everything has healed up.)

this is the "be free" necklace,
with amethyst, rubellite tourmaline, and sea foam chalcedony

i have recently experienced pain and betrayal the likes of which i never would have believed possible. it has forced me to make some very difficult decisions and i am dealing with some serious loss right now. it has really torn me apart.

for me, the luna moth symbolizes transformation, naturally, but also soaring through the darkness. they fly at night, they embrace the blackness. and, for their brief passionate lives, they thrive.

the petals on the flower spin around, and the arm that it rests on swings back and forth.

this piece is about growing up out of the darkness, about persevering and coming out on top, altered, yes, but bigger and better and stronger. (the chain has tourmaline, aquamarine, amethyst, moonstone, labradorite, and prehnite beads wire-wrapped into it.)

the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. i have not gone through all of those yet. (i've sort of been stuck in the depression stage, don't you think?) but i have a plan. this is my process, my stages. be true. forgive. release. believe. be free. i think if i can work through those, i can get out of this depressive state. and i am doing my very best. i am trying to take care of myself. i am writing about it and i am really processing.

this piece is quite heavy, with multiple layers of sterling sheet. it has a wonderful presence. it will be in the shop tonight.

my hike was wonderful. i went to an old favorite spot. i did a lot of thinking and realizing.

i will be okay.

p.s. this song that's playing right now, falling slowly, has been playing a lot for me lately. all of their songs actually, have been really helpful to me. i am very excited because they will be at coachella, as the swell season. usually the music that i love is not "popular" music, but in this case it is.


susie said...

You seem to articulate so well what so many of us go through, I never think of you as a Debbie Downer;) Life is wonderful but at times so very hard.

Your work continues to grow and is always so filled with beauty and meaning.

I am sorry for whatever you are going through. I wish you better days and strength beyond measure.

Schmuckliebhaber said...

My Dear,

today I got scared while reading your blog entry. You talk about the stages of dying!!! by Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross. You need a man who takes you out of darkness. Your home is so beautiful. You have fantastic children. A good job - you are independent in this relation. I healed my grief with Bach flower remedies. Please try again. There are numerous publications on the Internet. The treatment has no side effects. But for the head is it very good. Take care.

All the best and much strength

Teresa said...

I'm so sorry about your pain. I really hope you can find healing soon.


mamabeaks said...

oh Hun, I would never stop coming to your blog! We all have our ups and downs and it is good that we are here for each other! I am sending you some long distance hugs and I hope that you feel better, believe me, I understand! I love your new piece very much and I love that song that is playing........ I remember watching that movie with them in it crying my eyes out......... sometimes that good, heartfelt cry helps and feels good afterwards............. xxoo

Anonymous said...

I'd never stop reading and you haven't been bringing me (as I can only speak for myself) down at all. Far from it in fact, because what I see when I read is a talented, courageous, caring and honest person, living her life and being honest about her pain as well as her joy. It takes real guts to be as honest as you are, particularly when the pain is so acute and it's something to be admired, not avoided.

I'll email soon, I keep meaning to and then worrying!

Rag and Stone said...

Kristi, this is one of the most beautiful pieces i think i have seen you make!!! absolutely stunning, creative, and what great meaning to are obviously growing, and this luna moth is just PERFECT. well done, never doubt yourself or your creative juices!

6512 and growing said...

See you tomorrow.

Silver Sparrow Designs said...

i love you guys.