Sunday, April 3, 2011

growth hurts

you know how i always say that when i am having a difficult time, or feeling depressed, the best thing for me to do is to go out to my shop and work? well, for some reason this time it's not working. it's really awful. my one solace isn't there for me this time. in fact, it only is making things worse. the absence of relief really magnifies the hole. does that make sense? i can't seem to get past this. i can't get out of my head. i am hoping that my upcoming trip (back to santa fe for the felice brothers, then on to the coachella festival for MANY really wonderful bands, including the felice brothers) will help me to break out of it, to forgive myself, to forgive others, to get things in perspective, to move on. live music and travel have also always been powerful healing balms for me.

today i completed only one piece. i spent most of the day fiddling with some new riveted designs. if i get them to work the way that i hope they will, i will share them with you soon. but in the meantime, there's this:

the "growth hurts" ring,
with a brilliant deep green, pavilion cut chrysoprase

this ring was very therapeutic for me, the cutting out, filing and buffing of all of the little leaves was quite zen.

right? ultimately, that is what is happening here. i am having some serious growing pains and they will pass, and i will find myself in a new place, with new knowledge gleaned from this experience that will help me in the future. that is what it's all about.

the stone is magnificent.

doing what you know is right is hard. it hurts.
the painless, easy way is usually not the right way.
but stay your course, my friend. stay true.
you will find the peace that you so deserve.

also, the wonderful erin sent me this poem and i am in love with it. i thought i'd share it with you.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

© Mary Oliver


susie said...

I just had that thought this weekend, I guess we're never too old for growing pains. I wish you better days.

p.s. Love that poem
p.p.s. The necklace from your last post blew me away.

Metallo Bianco Jewelry said...

The ring is beautiful. Big hugs to you. I can't tell you how I always thought that when I was going through hard times, I would throw myself into my jewelry and just create, create, create...and that didn't happen. I completely understand. You will get through this! And the coachella festival will help...I am sure it will be an awesome way to relax and renew creativity...good music can always do that. :)

Schmuckliebhaber said...

My love,

I think it has something to do with age. To be older. Especially women deal with this issue. And sometimes fall into a deep hole. We think our life. We change. Our relationship is changing. I have lived through some depressive phases. There were significant career changes. The private life comes to the fore. Our time is limited. Half of life is over. We now live more intensely. We do feel that we live. I started to write. Sometimes I feel like just not having enough time. I decided that I need more time for me. And as you say, traveling is good to find yourself. Find yourself and stabilize Inside. I wish you good luck. Something from you is in your growth ring ;). Grow and become happy.

Nikki said...

That is a gorgeous piece. Had I not used up all of my cash on the other goodies I'm buying from you I would snatch it up in a heartbeat. Do you do layaway? Just kidding. ;) Hope today is better day.

Sierra said...

wishing you a safe journey through these rough waters...I have been an admirer of your work for some time but have yet to comment here. I love the honesty of your words here. Beautiful and painful, sometimes they just go hand in hand! Thanks for sharing!

Silver Sparrow Designs said...

i swear you guys are the best! truly.

susie, i guess that perhaps that it is a good thing, huh? that we never stop growing, even if it hurts so much.

cassandra, yes, usually that works for me, but not this time for some reason. and yes, coachella will be fabulous!

katerina, you are so sweet and lovely. i sincerely hope that traveling will help me to find myself and stabilize inside. and yes, i need to start journaling again!

nikki, thank you so much! your rings will be fabulous, m'dear!

sierra, you are so right. i am so glad you are here! it is very hard for me not to be honest, and i am glad that you appreciate that.